“In our corner or out of my way!”
Over fifteen years, TJ was in four very different school settings—districts ranged from tiny to one of the largest in Texas. Three schools were public, one private. But every educational setting had one thing in common: size, experience, and resources were less than determinative. Instead, TJ’s success and progress turned on the “want to” of the school’s administration. When support for our kiddos comes from the top, everyone pulls the same direction. Without that leadership, however, all bets are off.
In our case, one administrator fought tooth and nail to help TJ overcome the obstacles that precluded his full and productive participation. Most others would have given up, but this guy never blinked. He just kept encouraging TJ (and us) and over time, TJ rose to the challenges. I believe this man changed TJ’s life—sounds melodramatic, I know, but the right person in the right place and time can make all the difference.
The opposite is true as well, though—draw someone less-than-willing to be part of the solution, and he or she can torpedo your best efforts. Three particular administrators come to mind, and each at least squandered the opportunity to help TJ progress. One was clueless—he meant well, but had no real understanding of autism and no desire to learn. A second couldn’t be bothered, she simply didn’t do “extra” kids, mine included. The third was actively hostile—she set him up to fail. (His classroom teacher confirmed as much years later).
In my opinion, none of the three had any business working with kids, period, much less our most vulnerable ones. But I didn’t always have the luxury of avoiding them—such is the nature of public education. In each case, I made my position clear: “Get in his corner or stay out of the way.” Two of the three agreed to disagree, and we just worked around them. While I couldn’t count on their support, they did not actively derail my efforts to work with teachers and therapists to help TJ prosper. (We removed TJ from the third situation—she meant harm, although I’m sure she didn’t see it that way. She wanted all kids on the spectrum out of her general education classrooms and preferably, off her campus.)
It’s a pretty good guideline. Learn to let the clueless and neglectful alone, as long as they don’t actively impede your child’s progress. Those who fail to recognize these special little minds shortchange themselves, and I can live with that. But those who actively oppose our kids’ success? We will fight and fight hard. And no one knows how to fight like a special needs parent!
Over the next few weeks, I’ll share our experiences with IEPs, ARD meetings, and general navigation of the public school system. I hope our lessons learned—many the hard way—can help you help your child. Please add your comments below, along with particular questions or topics you’d like me to address, and I’ll do my best.
